LIFE, NATURE AND DEATH

I don't want to die……please…. I want to live. There is still so much I want to do and will do them.  I think staying alive on this earth is the most beautiful, most rewarding aspect of our existence in this planet. Life is too beautiful to go. I do not want to leave. Can I stay?

Tonight I stood by the college bus stop at 12 midnight. It was too cold but I was dress warm. At the bus stop there is a couple of shrubs and one tall tree. I cannot recall if it was the cold or the reflection from the fading light but under that tree I saw the most beautiful array of light following a blowing leaf in the cold breeze. It was magical and solemn and peaceful and so beautiful. Earlier this day I had gotten some beautiful news from my professor so I guessed I was in a very good mood. I stood under that tree in the cold looking at that leaf then it hit me…..I don’t want to die…..please! Life is too beautiful to leave.

Isn’t it funny how we cannot enjoy this life without thinking about death? Take a second and think about what you like the most about this earth, I’m sure by the time you are so sure about one thing the next thing will pop up and even more and more. Life might be hard but oh it does have its moments and when you experience any of them, the feeling is indescribable! I wonder and I’m amazed sometimes how beautiful it is and interestingly when you look at panoramic views of other places it makes you want to go there and experience their brilliance-we all most want to travel because of that. I do not think there is anything ugly on earth. Our planet, earth is pure and when you experience it at its purity you discover true happiness, inspiration, beauty and LOVE! The ugliness that exists on this earth comes solely from one particular occupant-HOMO SAPIENS! We are not even going to discuss about our man made destruction. So by that principle; beauty created by humans is artificial, it will look good but it will never surpass beauty created naturally. So therefore by process of elimination it will be more fulfilling to go for beauty created by nature. And I urge you reading, to look for your next natural beauty, it is right outside you house, car, office, shop, (man-made)! I found mine tonight under a tree at the college bus stop!

I do not want to die because I enjoy living here, in this life! I have had my fair share of complaints and even though I do not regret them I look forward with much joy living in this life. We are all surrounded by astounding problems and obstacles, but to whatever gods or deity we worship I will urge you to start giving them prayers of thanksgiving instead of prayers for help, why? Because you are living on this planet and have a chance to experience this one LIFE at every single breath! You know earlier before this night when I look at my life every good thing that had happened to me made me scared. I always feel like I do not deserve them. I feel like I’m being set up for a huge future disappointment. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop because I don’t think I deserve any luck or blessings. I am not in a life of sin but I have done terrible things that bother my conscience day in and day out.  Every single time that my life has been in a bind, somehow, someway there always comes a solution, a positive one that leaps me forward and somehow makes me feel invincible. In this era of invincibility my fears become dominant. No fears!

I want to enjoy this life. As I grow older I become more attached to my family and recognized how important bonding relationships are. I love my family so much that every friend I make these days becomes like family to me. I believe I have a great support system in my friends and family. I have great plans for my life and still see more possibilities to add to them every single day. Life is very different when you enjoy it this way-enjoy life with invincibility! I was always fond of nature, I spent this past summer at a ranch, even learned how to ride a horse! The feeling you get looking at nature’s beauty takes you back to the true essence of your existence, PURITY! The solemnity drives peace and a lot of other positive emotions and desires through your body. I’m sure those who study nature and other natural beauty must have very profound way of looking at human life. Also I think animal lovers connect to these animals because they exhibit that glow of purity in them. It is very difficult to escape such emotions. How I wish I was reminded everyday of how magical nature beauty is….but that does not happen because we are always drawn back to our daily struggles.

(please take a second to stop the music player at the bottom of this page to enjoy the video)

When I think of death, I think of my dad passing away. I have lost a lot of people in my life but my father stands out the most. I must confess that up till date I have not shed a single tear for his death. Psychiatrists may sum up their theories and I respect them but I still can explain why. As I ponder life, I wonder how my dad’s life was. Did he enjoy it? Was he happy till his final day? I know he was always very proud of me and will beamed up with smiles every time me and my siblings will do something great, he also fell so sad about our obstacles and lived a life of PRAYER. I sometimes tell my friends, all my blessings come from my dad’s prayers because they all know how seldom I pray or even go to church. Now you see how unbalanced this is; life takes a great deal of time and death happens only in a split second! So unfair that that split seconds ends such an enormous thing. Based on your religious beliefs you might assume there’s life after death and so on, but whatever your belief is you must admit that this one that we all share is where you will make the magic happen? Death is so unfair but if you have lived a fulfilled life it will come as a reward. you must enjoy this life the best way you can.

I don’t want to die but if I was to die I will hope to reflect of my life as one that I really enjoyed the moments and made my duly contributions! I have nothing in this life and I am sure I will return with nothing. All I have is my contributions, and I hope to contribute as much as I can to the people and causes that matter, so that some day when I am long gone they will remember how beautiful the times we spent were. And then they will smile thinking about those moments. I will love that.

thank you for reading.

REGRETS

My favorite rapper JAY-Z says and I quote;

"In order to succeed in life u gotta learn how to live with regrets"

I believe the best part of our existence on earth and in this life is our ability to make decisions that can lead to regrets or success. The ups and downs, the complexity, the uncertainty, the glory, the doom we must appreciate all these to enjoy this life. After citing these instances the reality is these instances come one at a time and when you’re in the moment, most of the time the foresight to see them as part of life isn't there. You will struggle and mourn, and then time will reveal how wonderful the experiences were. It just like a good wine; you can only savor the taste five or more minutes after you swallow. So let me indulged into those moments were my foresight is bleak and wary.

As much as I am aware that there still lies a couple of regrets in my future, I cannot forget the ones that have already happened. You see as time goes on you heal, your friends will comfort you and finally reality will strike, but I cannot seem to forget how horrible those experiences were. I don't know how regret is described by scholars but I know that regret is that thought of a mistake you made that cannot seem to escape your mind and everyday you wish you had that moment back to make the decision again. Why do regrets happen? It’s a question that only God can answer, the funny thing is I have seen books being advertised with the heading "How to live without regrets' like who can honestly live like that? And to the authors what have they discovered that they could put in writing? Anyways maybe it is possible but not to me.

At this point in my life my number one regret is not having my dad with me as I climb these stages in my life. Some might wonder how 'do you regret losing your dad? dead is a universal guarantee!' well it might be but I regret not having him, matter of fact I regret not having him every day. I think as much as I get guidance from some very inspired individuals, I only crave for his advice and counsel. I regret those times that I took them for granted, I can remember some of the deeper one but I WISH I had taken some notes when he was talking. my dad will wake me up as a teenage boy at 3am and under the moonlight he will tell me stories about his personal life especially his childhood, ironically he will tell me some of his regrets to show me how I can avoid them in my own life . when I come to think of it I was never bothered or disturbed about getting up at 3am, wow all I remember is the way he talked under the moonlight. This is my number one regret because I did not have enough of them, I should have quizzed him more, ask him to tell me more, begged him to wake me up over and over again........oh men!

I regret not having my brother with me in the US. I regret not being an engineer by this time. I regret not calling my mother enough, I regret having created a facebook account, I regret not being close to some of my old friends at this stage in life, I regret most of the decisions I made in my personal relationship, I regret trusting certain individuals...etc This list will grow day after day but the point am trying to make here is am living with regrets and that is okay. I think am learning how to live with these regrets for am succeeding in life by all counts to my assessment. My point of view may differ from yours but please do not hesitate to point it out.

I have come to realize that my inspiration really comes from these regrets, when I think about my brother whatever am doing at that time I think of the best way to carry it out because I know he will be proud, yes I try to make him proud! My mother always have a smile on her face when I call her after a short period because I will be telling her about something I have accomplished, or will be completing. So I might go for a month without talking to her but she has grown accustomed to that; like she puts it because every call I make is either about a business progress, an academic award or a personal achievement. I regret not calling her a lot.

Our regrets have those parasitic effects to push us forward or break us it depends on how we take them. In that moment of regret we display life threatening symptoms like depression, despair, frustration, crying, we need to, like why not? we have failed! so we need this moment to soak it in, when am regretting something and we happen to talk about it with a friend, I really do not appreciate the friend that goes 'oh forget about it men' nah! I cannot forget about it, it is tantamount to ignoring a major defect in a project for engineers, you know it will come back three fold to bite you in the back. My uncle always says if you ignore a $10 problem by the time you come back to it you will be looking at a $1000 problem! So let me regret about my regrets!

Thank you guys for reading and sharing my thoughts.