CONFIDENCE

I have heard people talk about the secret to life, secret to success, how to achieve your dreams and so forth. And as much as their thesis might be true I wish to state here on this blog post that I think there’s only one secret to success CONFIDENCE! Scientists relate confidence with the outcome of a hypothesis (Statistics), but in this post we are going to discuss what happens before the results of their hypothesis. In reference to the confidence discussed in this post I am talking about self-confidence mostly, one’s self-esteem. I cannot think of any plausible achievement without confidence, and I do not believe anybody in this world has achieved some form of success without some degree of confidence. Well if confidence is that important why do some of us lack it or shy away from it because we do not want to be label as being cocky, proud, offensive etc…? As I grow older I begin to see my past in a very naïve manner and I hope some of you keep reading my posts because I learn every day from your inputs and comments. Please feel free to join in every conversational topic on this blog. Let's talk!

My cousin is about to graduate from high school. I am so fond of her and love her a lot. We were discussing some of the colleges she may want to apply to and in her response to one of the colleges I suggested, she said "I'll never get in, do you know how hard it is to get into such colleges? I do not have what it takes" Granted that there are certain colleges that go through a rigorous admission process, I still felt so disappointed and confused. She is super smart, she went to a private engineering middle school, she is a natural leader, and she is caring and plays in her high school band among other accomplishments. So what happened to her? What has changed? Why the lack of self-confidence? Trying to understand my cousin’s problem led me to write this post. We all might have witness that person we all have the highest expectations for, see them look down on themselves or we might have gone through such periods ourselves. Whenever you doubt yourself you begin your first step to loosing your confidence. 

I had to look into myself first to understand my cousin. I know I am a confident person. Sometimes when I look at the way some of my friends and family depict their lack of confidence I begin to realize that I also express such symptoms too; You walk with your head down, can't make or sustain direct eye contact with others, do not accept compliments well, apologize and feel guilty, you will even get frustrated, impatient and often angry…..I do not think a confident person expresses themselves like this… always depressed, using negative and hopeless language, can’t engage with others and take things too personally, restless, violent….I will stop here because the list continues, the point is I am not saying if you have ever exhibited such symptoms like I have, you are less confident but staying with them will definitely make you more and more less confident and weak. Yes I think lack of confidence is a sign of weakness too! I just want to add something here talking about weaknesses as a lack of confidence. If you have ever witness a man that hits a woman (which is the most disgusting thing in the world), I want you to recognize that that person lacks self-confidence too and in most extent self-esteem. Yes men with low self-esteem always result into violence with women. Same goes to a woman who stays in a bad relationship. My thoughts on this topic will be discussed further in a later post.

In one of my earlier posts visions I wrote "Think of the universe as in the fable (story) of 'Aladdin and the Lamb'. Whatever your wish is, the Djinni (Genie) will grant it!" That is how confidence works like the universe. Declare your intent and go get it, because it has already been granted! I think no matter what your situation is in this world, we all have a story of triumph, a story of success, a story of victory or better yet a story of failure, but we are still here. And for those who have not gotten one yet it is just a matter of time. It is not optimism it is our birth right! Look deep into your story and draw confidence from that and if you are already a confident person then remind yourself of your uniqueness whenever you doubt yourself. Most of the things that stimulate doubts in our mind are probably things we should not be pursuing in the first place. That is to say "false confidence". I think going after something that is not yours will generate the mistake of thinking you are not good enough. This can be very damaging to your confidence and personal growth in general. I cannot be confident that I am going to be the president of the United States when I have no interest in becoming a politician. False confidence will generate doubts in most cases, so the caution is finding what your strength is and then start off like a train, with nothing on your way to stop you when you start. Finding your strength should not be that hard or complicated, in my earlier post careers we discussed earnestly about how you discover what it is you are really good at. Just like false confidence we can also talk about Overconfidence, well there is a thin line between being confident and overconfident. As much as confidence can generate the best outcomes, overconfidence can also generate the worst outcomes. I will think that staying within your confidence level is just appropriate. Everybody like heroes but overconfidence just like false confidence can be curbed by recognizing your ability before start off.

If you walk into any situation with the confidence that you can successfully overcome it, even when you fail you will still feel satisfied. That is what confidence brings out. Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? Take calculated risks and keep at it. We are all unique in our own way, which means there is something about you that nobody has or share. Nothing/nobody can make you confident except yourself, it should come from within. I think your parents and friends can help and guide you but it is an inert quality. It's You! Confidence is like a religion, blind faith. Christians have not seen God but they believe in him. I want to believe that there are people who, may be due to their childhood conditions did not have the available support to nurture self-confidence but I think it will only be a matter of time, before they reach home, that is when they meet the right conditions. So there really isn't any excuse for lack of confidence! There is so much out there to be grateful for and too many opportunities given to us regardless of our situation. Humble people have confidence in themselves too! That is how they achieved all they have. Martin Luther King is a great example of somebody who was confident but very humble, he got slapped several times in public in his fight for civil rights but he stayed the course because he knew where and what he was trying to achieve. So let’s not confuse being confident as a vice to humility.

To my cousin, I think if I did not know her well I would have agreed with her assessment of the difficulty in getting into such colleges but I do know her and I can recall all she has been through. Growing up is hard and it is easy for teenagers to sway into different directions but that is why the adults are there. With all she has prepared for I believe she has the arsenal to go to any top tier university in the nation but sometimes instilling that belief into another person is hard. For now I can only hope she realizes it fast, and read this blog post. LOL……

Thanks for reading and please don’t forget to share your comments with me and other readers….

REGRETS

My favorite rapper JAY-Z says and I quote;

"In order to succeed in life u gotta learn how to live with regrets"

I believe the best part of our existence on earth and in this life is our ability to make decisions that can lead to regrets or success. The ups and downs, the complexity, the uncertainty, the glory, the doom we must appreciate all these to enjoy this life. After citing these instances the reality is these instances come one at a time and when you’re in the moment, most of the time the foresight to see them as part of life isn't there. You will struggle and mourn, and then time will reveal how wonderful the experiences were. It just like a good wine; you can only savor the taste five or more minutes after you swallow. So let me indulged into those moments were my foresight is bleak and wary.

As much as I am aware that there still lies a couple of regrets in my future, I cannot forget the ones that have already happened. You see as time goes on you heal, your friends will comfort you and finally reality will strike, but I cannot seem to forget how horrible those experiences were. I don't know how regret is described by scholars but I know that regret is that thought of a mistake you made that cannot seem to escape your mind and everyday you wish you had that moment back to make the decision again. Why do regrets happen? It’s a question that only God can answer, the funny thing is I have seen books being advertised with the heading "How to live without regrets' like who can honestly live like that? And to the authors what have they discovered that they could put in writing? Anyways maybe it is possible but not to me.

At this point in my life my number one regret is not having my dad with me as I climb these stages in my life. Some might wonder how 'do you regret losing your dad? dead is a universal guarantee!' well it might be but I regret not having him, matter of fact I regret not having him every day. I think as much as I get guidance from some very inspired individuals, I only crave for his advice and counsel. I regret those times that I took them for granted, I can remember some of the deeper one but I WISH I had taken some notes when he was talking. my dad will wake me up as a teenage boy at 3am and under the moonlight he will tell me stories about his personal life especially his childhood, ironically he will tell me some of his regrets to show me how I can avoid them in my own life . when I come to think of it I was never bothered or disturbed about getting up at 3am, wow all I remember is the way he talked under the moonlight. This is my number one regret because I did not have enough of them, I should have quizzed him more, ask him to tell me more, begged him to wake me up over and over again........oh men!

I regret not having my brother with me in the US. I regret not being an engineer by this time. I regret not calling my mother enough, I regret having created a facebook account, I regret not being close to some of my old friends at this stage in life, I regret most of the decisions I made in my personal relationship, I regret trusting certain individuals...etc This list will grow day after day but the point am trying to make here is am living with regrets and that is okay. I think am learning how to live with these regrets for am succeeding in life by all counts to my assessment. My point of view may differ from yours but please do not hesitate to point it out.

I have come to realize that my inspiration really comes from these regrets, when I think about my brother whatever am doing at that time I think of the best way to carry it out because I know he will be proud, yes I try to make him proud! My mother always have a smile on her face when I call her after a short period because I will be telling her about something I have accomplished, or will be completing. So I might go for a month without talking to her but she has grown accustomed to that; like she puts it because every call I make is either about a business progress, an academic award or a personal achievement. I regret not calling her a lot.

Our regrets have those parasitic effects to push us forward or break us it depends on how we take them. In that moment of regret we display life threatening symptoms like depression, despair, frustration, crying, we need to, like why not? we have failed! so we need this moment to soak it in, when am regretting something and we happen to talk about it with a friend, I really do not appreciate the friend that goes 'oh forget about it men' nah! I cannot forget about it, it is tantamount to ignoring a major defect in a project for engineers, you know it will come back three fold to bite you in the back. My uncle always says if you ignore a $10 problem by the time you come back to it you will be looking at a $1000 problem! So let me regret about my regrets!

Thank you guys for reading and sharing my thoughts.