Monday, November 8, 2010


I have heard people talk about the secret to life, secret to success, how to achieve your dreams and so forth. And as much as their thesis might be true I wish to state here on this blog post that I think there’s only one secret to success CONFIDENCE! Scientists relate confidence with the outcome of a hypothesis (Statistics), but in this post we are going to discuss what happens before the results of their hypothesis. In reference to the confidence discussed in this post I am talking about self-confidence mostly, one’s self-esteem. I cannot think of any plausible achievement without confidence, and I do not believe anybody in this world has achieved some form of success without some degree of confidence. Well if confidence is that important why do some of us lack it or shy away from it because we do not want to be label as being cocky, proud, offensive etc…? As I grow older I begin to see my past in a very na├»ve manner and I hope some of you keep reading my posts because I learn every day from your inputs and comments. Please feel free to join in every conversational topic on this blog. Let's talk!

My cousin is about to graduate from high school. I am so fond of her and love her a lot. We were discussing some of the colleges she may want to apply to and in her response to one of the colleges I suggested, she said "I'll never get in, do you know how hard it is to get into such colleges? I do not have what it takes" Granted that there are certain colleges that go through a rigorous admission process, I still felt so disappointed and confused. She is super smart, she went to a private engineering middle school, she is a natural leader, and she is caring and plays in her high school band among other accomplishments. So what happened to her? What has changed? Why the lack of self-confidence? Trying to understand my cousin’s problem led me to write this post. We all might have witness that person we all have the highest expectations for, see them look down on themselves or we might have gone through such periods ourselves. Whenever you doubt yourself you begin your first step to loosing your confidence. 

I had to look into myself first to understand my cousin. I know I am a confident person. Sometimes when I look at the way some of my friends and family depict their lack of confidence I begin to realize that I also express such symptoms too; You walk with your head down, can't make or sustain direct eye contact with others, do not accept compliments well, apologize and feel guilty, you will even get frustrated, impatient and often angry…..I do not think a confident person expresses themselves like this… always depressed, using negative and hopeless language, can’t engage with others and take things too personally, restless, violent….I will stop here because the list continues, the point is I am not saying if you have ever exhibited such symptoms like I have, you are less confident but staying with them will definitely make you more and more less confident and weak. Yes I think lack of confidence is a sign of weakness too! I just want to add something here talking about weaknesses as a lack of confidence. If you have ever witness a man that hits a woman (which is the most disgusting thing in the world), I want you to recognize that that person lacks self-confidence too and in most extent self-esteem. Yes men with low self-esteem always result into violence with women. Same goes to a woman who stays in a bad relationship. My thoughts on this topic will be discussed further in a later post.

In one of my earlier posts visions I wrote "Think of the universe as in the fable (story) of 'Aladdin and the Lamb'. Whatever your wish is, the Djinni (Genie) will grant it!" That is how confidence works like the universe. Declare your intent and go get it, because it has already been granted! I think no matter what your situation is in this world, we all have a story of triumph, a story of success, a story of victory or better yet a story of failure, but we are still here. And for those who have not gotten one yet it is just a matter of time. It is not optimism it is our birth right! Look deep into your story and draw confidence from that and if you are already a confident person then remind yourself of your uniqueness whenever you doubt yourself. Most of the things that stimulate doubts in our mind are probably things we should not be pursuing in the first place. That is to say "false confidence". I think going after something that is not yours will generate the mistake of thinking you are not good enough. This can be very damaging to your confidence and personal growth in general. I cannot be confident that I am going to be the president of the United States when I have no interest in becoming a politician. False confidence will generate doubts in most cases, so the caution is finding what your strength is and then start off like a train, with nothing on your way to stop you when you start. Finding your strength should not be that hard or complicated, in my earlier post careers we discussed earnestly about how you discover what it is you are really good at. Just like false confidence we can also talk about Overconfidence, well there is a thin line between being confident and overconfident. As much as confidence can generate the best outcomes, overconfidence can also generate the worst outcomes. I will think that staying within your confidence level is just appropriate. Everybody like heroes but overconfidence just like false confidence can be curbed by recognizing your ability before start off.

If you walk into any situation with the confidence that you can successfully overcome it, even when you fail you will still feel satisfied. That is what confidence brings out. Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? Take calculated risks and keep at it. We are all unique in our own way, which means there is something about you that nobody has or share. Nothing/nobody can make you confident except yourself, it should come from within. I think your parents and friends can help and guide you but it is an inert quality. It's You! Confidence is like a religion, blind faith. Christians have not seen God but they believe in him. I want to believe that there are people who, may be due to their childhood conditions did not have the available support to nurture self-confidence but I think it will only be a matter of time, before they reach home, that is when they meet the right conditions. So there really isn't any excuse for lack of confidence! There is so much out there to be grateful for and too many opportunities given to us regardless of our situation. Humble people have confidence in themselves too! That is how they achieved all they have. Martin Luther King is a great example of somebody who was confident but very humble, he got slapped several times in public in his fight for civil rights but he stayed the course because he knew where and what he was trying to achieve. So let’s not confuse being confident as a vice to humility.

To my cousin, I think if I did not know her well I would have agreed with her assessment of the difficulty in getting into such colleges but I do know her and I can recall all she has been through. Growing up is hard and it is easy for teenagers to sway into different directions but that is why the adults are there. With all she has prepared for I believe she has the arsenal to go to any top tier university in the nation but sometimes instilling that belief into another person is hard. For now I can only hope she realizes it fast, and read this blog post. LOL……

Thanks for reading and please don’t forget to share your comments with me and other readers….


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Hey man, you said it right. People have to be confident about what they are doing in order to achieve their goals. The part that is even more relevant is that people should not strive to achieve what they know is beyond their reach. We, as humans beings have different strengths and we should make sure to play to our strengths and not try to be like the other person.

Good post man

Tonge said...

I would definitely agree with you when you relate confidence to low self esteem. Sometimes in life we go about feeling pitiful for ourselves because we don't feel appreciated, we feel like we can't do it. We forget that we are responsible for our successes and failures. I personally think and belief that like Aladin and the Lamb we should desire, long for and want something so bad that nothing is going to stop us. Only then do we see success.
We all have a story to tell whether successful or not, but come to think of it, who will want to listen to story which is not a success one? When we strive for success then we strive to be heard. This can only happen when we build our self esteem hence develop confidence to approach these challenges and things that we want in life.
We are all wonderfully and fearfully made and hence we are all equipped to face the challenges of this life. We just need to tape into our inner being, or take some time off from this busy life and reflect we might tap into something powerful.

This is inspirational keep it up :)

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