I don't want to die……please…. I want to live. There is still so much I want to do and will do them. I think staying alive on this earth is the most beautiful, most rewarding aspect of our existence in this planet. Life is too beautiful to go. I do not want to leave. Can I stay?
Tonight I stood by the college bus stop at 12 midnight. It was too cold but I was dress warm. At the bus stop there is a couple of shrubs and one tall tree. I cannot recall if it was the cold or the reflection from the fading light but under that tree I saw the most beautiful array of light following a blowing leaf in the cold breeze. It was magical and solemn and peaceful and so beautiful. Earlier this day I had gotten some beautiful news from my professor so I guessed I was in a very good mood. I stood under that tree in the cold looking at that leaf then it hit me…..I don’t want to die…..please! Life is too beautiful to leave.
Isn’t it funny how we cannot enjoy this life without thinking about death? Take a second and think about what you like the most about this earth, I’m sure by the time you are so sure about one thing the next thing will pop up and even more and more. Life might be hard but oh it does have its moments and when you experience any of them, the feeling is indescribable! I wonder and I’m amazed sometimes how beautiful it is and interestingly when you look at panoramic views of other places it makes you want to go there and experience their brilliance-we all most want to travel because of that. I do not think there is anything ugly on earth. Our planet, earth is pure and when you experience it at its purity you discover true happiness, inspiration, beauty and LOVE! The ugliness that exists on this earth comes solely from one particular occupant-HOMO SAPIENS! We are not even going to discuss about our man made destruction. So by that principle; beauty created by humans is artificial, it will look good but it will never surpass beauty created naturally. So therefore by process of elimination it will be more fulfilling to go for beauty created by nature. And I urge you reading, to look for your next natural beauty, it is right outside you house, car, office, shop, (man-made)! I found mine tonight under a tree at the college bus stop!
I do not want to die because I enjoy living here, in this life! I have had my fair share of complaints and even though I do not regret them I look forward with much joy living in this life. We are all surrounded by astounding problems and obstacles, but to whatever gods or deity we worship I will urge you to start giving them prayers of thanksgiving instead of prayers for help, why? Because you are living on this planet and have a chance to experience this one LIFE at every single breath! You know earlier before this night when I look at my life every good thing that had happened to me made me scared. I always feel like I do not deserve them. I feel like I’m being set up for a huge future disappointment. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop because I don’t think I deserve any luck or blessings. I am not in a life of sin but I have done terrible things that bother my conscience day in and day out. Every single time that my life has been in a bind, somehow, someway there always comes a solution, a positive one that leaps me forward and somehow makes me feel invincible. In this era of invincibility my fears become dominant. No fears!
I want to enjoy this life. As I grow older I become more attached to my family and recognized how important bonding relationships are. I love my family so much that every friend I make these days becomes like family to me. I believe I have a great support system in my friends and family. I have great plans for my life and still see more possibilities to add to them every single day. Life is very different when you enjoy it this way-enjoy life with invincibility! I was always fond of nature, I spent this past summer at a ranch, even learned how to ride a horse! The feeling you get looking at nature’s beauty takes you back to the true essence of your existence, PURITY! The solemnity drives peace and a lot of other positive emotions and desires through your body. I’m sure those who study nature and other natural beauty must have very profound way of looking at human life. Also I think animal lovers connect to these animals because they exhibit that glow of purity in them. It is very difficult to escape such emotions. How I wish I was reminded everyday of how magical nature beauty is….but that does not happen because we are always drawn back to our daily struggles.
(please take a second to stop the music player at the bottom of this page to enjoy the video)
When I think of death, I think of my dad passing away. I have lost a lot of people in my life but my father stands out the most. I must confess that up till date I have not shed a single tear for his death. Psychiatrists may sum up their theories and I respect them but I still can explain why. As I ponder life, I wonder how my dad’s life was. Did he enjoy it? Was he happy till his final day? I know he was always very proud of me and will beamed up with smiles every time me and my siblings will do something great, he also fell so sad about our obstacles and lived a life of PRAYER. I sometimes tell my friends, all my blessings come from my dad’s prayers because they all know how seldom I pray or even go to church. Now you see how unbalanced this is; life takes a great deal of time and death happens only in a split second! So unfair that that split seconds ends such an enormous thing. Based on your religious beliefs you might assume there’s life after death and so on, but whatever your belief is you must admit that this one that we all share is where you will make the magic happen? Death is so unfair but if you have lived a fulfilled life it will come as a reward. you must enjoy this life the best way you can.
I don’t want to die but if I was to die I will hope to reflect of my life as one that I really enjoyed the moments and made my duly contributions! I have nothing in this life and I am sure I will return with nothing. All I have is my contributions, and I hope to contribute as much as I can to the people and causes that matter, so that some day when I am long gone they will remember how beautiful the times we spent were. And then they will smile thinking about those moments. I will love that.
thank you for reading.