LIFE, NATURE AND DEATH

I don't want to die……please…. I want to live. There is still so much I want to do and will do them.  I think staying alive on this earth is the most beautiful, most rewarding aspect of our existence in this planet. Life is too beautiful to go. I do not want to leave. Can I stay?

Tonight I stood by the college bus stop at 12 midnight. It was too cold but I was dress warm. At the bus stop there is a couple of shrubs and one tall tree. I cannot recall if it was the cold or the reflection from the fading light but under that tree I saw the most beautiful array of light following a blowing leaf in the cold breeze. It was magical and solemn and peaceful and so beautiful. Earlier this day I had gotten some beautiful news from my professor so I guessed I was in a very good mood. I stood under that tree in the cold looking at that leaf then it hit me…..I don’t want to die…..please! Life is too beautiful to leave.

Isn’t it funny how we cannot enjoy this life without thinking about death? Take a second and think about what you like the most about this earth, I’m sure by the time you are so sure about one thing the next thing will pop up and even more and more. Life might be hard but oh it does have its moments and when you experience any of them, the feeling is indescribable! I wonder and I’m amazed sometimes how beautiful it is and interestingly when you look at panoramic views of other places it makes you want to go there and experience their brilliance-we all most want to travel because of that. I do not think there is anything ugly on earth. Our planet, earth is pure and when you experience it at its purity you discover true happiness, inspiration, beauty and LOVE! The ugliness that exists on this earth comes solely from one particular occupant-HOMO SAPIENS! We are not even going to discuss about our man made destruction. So by that principle; beauty created by humans is artificial, it will look good but it will never surpass beauty created naturally. So therefore by process of elimination it will be more fulfilling to go for beauty created by nature. And I urge you reading, to look for your next natural beauty, it is right outside you house, car, office, shop, (man-made)! I found mine tonight under a tree at the college bus stop!

I do not want to die because I enjoy living here, in this life! I have had my fair share of complaints and even though I do not regret them I look forward with much joy living in this life. We are all surrounded by astounding problems and obstacles, but to whatever gods or deity we worship I will urge you to start giving them prayers of thanksgiving instead of prayers for help, why? Because you are living on this planet and have a chance to experience this one LIFE at every single breath! You know earlier before this night when I look at my life every good thing that had happened to me made me scared. I always feel like I do not deserve them. I feel like I’m being set up for a huge future disappointment. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop because I don’t think I deserve any luck or blessings. I am not in a life of sin but I have done terrible things that bother my conscience day in and day out.  Every single time that my life has been in a bind, somehow, someway there always comes a solution, a positive one that leaps me forward and somehow makes me feel invincible. In this era of invincibility my fears become dominant. No fears!

I want to enjoy this life. As I grow older I become more attached to my family and recognized how important bonding relationships are. I love my family so much that every friend I make these days becomes like family to me. I believe I have a great support system in my friends and family. I have great plans for my life and still see more possibilities to add to them every single day. Life is very different when you enjoy it this way-enjoy life with invincibility! I was always fond of nature, I spent this past summer at a ranch, even learned how to ride a horse! The feeling you get looking at nature’s beauty takes you back to the true essence of your existence, PURITY! The solemnity drives peace and a lot of other positive emotions and desires through your body. I’m sure those who study nature and other natural beauty must have very profound way of looking at human life. Also I think animal lovers connect to these animals because they exhibit that glow of purity in them. It is very difficult to escape such emotions. How I wish I was reminded everyday of how magical nature beauty is….but that does not happen because we are always drawn back to our daily struggles.

(please take a second to stop the music player at the bottom of this page to enjoy the video)

When I think of death, I think of my dad passing away. I have lost a lot of people in my life but my father stands out the most. I must confess that up till date I have not shed a single tear for his death. Psychiatrists may sum up their theories and I respect them but I still can explain why. As I ponder life, I wonder how my dad’s life was. Did he enjoy it? Was he happy till his final day? I know he was always very proud of me and will beamed up with smiles every time me and my siblings will do something great, he also fell so sad about our obstacles and lived a life of PRAYER. I sometimes tell my friends, all my blessings come from my dad’s prayers because they all know how seldom I pray or even go to church. Now you see how unbalanced this is; life takes a great deal of time and death happens only in a split second! So unfair that that split seconds ends such an enormous thing. Based on your religious beliefs you might assume there’s life after death and so on, but whatever your belief is you must admit that this one that we all share is where you will make the magic happen? Death is so unfair but if you have lived a fulfilled life it will come as a reward. you must enjoy this life the best way you can.

I don’t want to die but if I was to die I will hope to reflect of my life as one that I really enjoyed the moments and made my duly contributions! I have nothing in this life and I am sure I will return with nothing. All I have is my contributions, and I hope to contribute as much as I can to the people and causes that matter, so that some day when I am long gone they will remember how beautiful the times we spent were. And then they will smile thinking about those moments. I will love that.

thank you for reading.

PREJUDICE

Earlier this summer I took a tri-state trip in the Ohio-Michigan area visiting family and friends. After that trip I really cannot recall if it was the books I was reading at the time or just the awareness of change in some of my old friends I met, but I took a vow to stop judging people and being prejudice no matter what! I can give myself a B+ since then in trying to enact this change in my life but there is still a lot to do. I think philosophers or all those who study human behavior must agree with me when I say it is a part of human characteristic to be prejudice or pass judgment on others. It is just inevitable. I mean we all do it, in our homes, groups, churches and race. If it is this general why talk about it then? In this blog post I simply want to share my experience and reiterate the fact that it is one of the worst ills in our society.

The fundamental reason why anybody will pass judgment on another will be because in their standards they think or believe that person is not doing right or they are just plain better than them. I say this because in my case this is true! But why? This summer I came to realize how ignorant or devious such feelings or thoughts are. You even begin to wonder why you have been behaving like that all along. I think even with people that do their best not to judge others it is grueling not to do so. Sometimes you might do it without knowing, sometimes it just comes from a place of hatred and most times it comes from us trying to advise others. (Critics are not prejudice although there is a fine line.) In some higher studies prejudice is mostly geared towards groups/people in categories such as ethnicity, religion, social class, age, sexuality etc. but I'm not going to discuss that in this blog post.

I consider myself pretty lucky, or in a Christian sense blessed! When I look back on how my life could have been compared to my childhood, I appreciate all that my parents and family did for me and even dream further! Even though there have been sad times or disappointments I can honestly say there have never been a point in my life where I thought I could not make my dreams a reality or even doubt my future success. Like I cannot even begin to see where I can fail. This summer I heard stories from some very close friends, actually gossips of what they thought my life was. It was pretty strange to hear their version of my life-their prejudice-through the eyes of these guys. Yes we are told to ignore the negativity that life brings, I do not think so, even though you should not engage in the argument but when you hear somebody you like or consider close talk about you that way it is healthy to take a second and understand why they did, looking from their perspective. Obviously I thought why bother about what they think but then I started realizing that I do the same to others. So hearing first hand criticisms of what some of my friends think of me prompt me to abandon this life of prejudice! I began to understand how much of a cycle it all is.

Further let us take a simple test Consider two friends complaining about each other; listen to the complaints or the version of the first friend reasons, listen with an open mind then consider the complaints of the other friend. You might conclude several things but I bet you will find that in each other position they believe they are right and better. Just as one of them may have several valid reasons why the other person will fail or is doing something wrong, the other friend share almost the same thoughts. That’s how malignant prejudice is! If you settle your differences this way or move forward with such ideologies you will soon find yourself in a life of hate, fear, inferiority complex and eventually crimes!

I am black and I live in Texas I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have pass judgment on people or witness other pass judgment on me because of my race, ethnicity, color etc. But that is all gone now! One of my friends asked me the other day about racism. I told her for a long time and even now I believe racism is man-made and instigate lots of hatred and fear among people but my approach to racism lately has change very much. You see in Africa we have over 100 tribes in one small region and what is considered racism in the USA is practiced everyday among these peoples and I will assume in most parts of the world. So when I tried to understand this I concluded that when you met somebody you do not know or have heard derogatory stories about them, your default position is fear. In a state-of-fear you will exhibit negative racial behavior and many more prejudicial characteristics, if you get to know this person and even not becoming their friend but understanding who they are, all that racial and color barriers will be wiped out!

You put yourself in a superior position every time you pass quick judgment on another person, and because you do not have all the facts about that person you will always be wrong! I tell you there is so much beauty and joy among us when we try to practice a prejudice-free life! I think to overcome prejudice the number one thing to do is to seek to understand, try to get the facts. When the facts seem to confirm your prejudice, you should then leave some space for reasonable doubt. This may sound pretty naive especially for people who might have suffered from deceit and heartbreak, but it works! I will personally confess that in my first semester in Texas A&M University, I really did not make a lot of friends or open up to a lot of people but that has all change now. I am proud to say it will take a lot for me to pass quick judgment on a person even when my judgment seem too obvious to be right, and this is not because I found God it’s just because I have realized how treacherous it is and how much it has alienated lots of close friends and opportunities!

There is no guarantee that we can all get along in this current society, but if we cannot prevent prejudice then at least ignore the person or situation and move along. You cannot force yourself to love a person but don’t force yourself to hate them because of your preconceived ideology! Seek to understand first! There are so many treasures you will find in doing that. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope to read your comments…………….

Friendship

first and foremost am not gonna blog about what friendship is and all its levels and forms, am just gonna freestyle my thoughts.

I want to think i have the most amazing friends on earth but i believe a lot of people share that sentiment. hence it makes the point what friendship is all about. trust, respect, support and mutual understanding are one of the most dominant ingredients in the best kinds of friendship. i equate friendship to relationships, cause for me, friendship is a relationship plain and simple. my friends have changed all through my life but the ones i have kept for more than ten years are the ones i begin to think of as the "truest ones".

on a personal note i think my relationships with all of my friends has been shaped by the way i was brought up, at times some people claim your astrological sign plays a part. well i can't get into that but there are so many similarities in these zodiac signs with ones character. In my childhood, i was surrounded mostly by my immediate family and at most 5-6 people around the house at all times. I was shy but did not make a lot of friends and even when i was in school i was pretty invisible. I can honestly say i came out of my shells in college a little bit and to me that is where i started making some of my "truest friends" till date. Even still i always had such a limited number of friends that were close because that is how i make myself comfortable. i guess it is a given fact that you can meet a lot of people and even know a lot of people but only a minute few are your friends. at this stage in my life I feel like I know too many people and have the fewest friends ever. it is so weird when i think about it; when i was least popular i had the most friends now that am more popular than before i have the fewest friends!

the idea that you meet people smile at them and ask them about something personal in their life is more like a social thing to me. it doesn't mean we are friends. we talk about each other behinds our backs ( yea trust me you can claim people talk about you but you do the same thing nobody is innocent here!), we gossip, we make up...etc. all these things are semblance to every society we might associate with. when i think of friendship fights and drama, i think of a jay-z song with r Kelly where he raps and i quote

"We don't vibe no more because we don't C/see alike

Now when we see each other it's so strange

I don't know whether to hug him or slug him (damn)

I don't know whether to cap him or dap him

I don't know what to think of him, I don't know what's happenin"

as much as we want to cherish our relationships there comes a time where you begin to think, what will happen if i had a fallout with this person? this friend? I want to think i might not know what to expect from that, but at this stage in my life my comfort level tells me i will manage even if things goes sour. now in a relationships where i really depend on that friends' input and support i will dread such happenings. My thought exactly now is, when there is nothing at stake does that relationship stay true or real? i have lost friends because i moved to another town, i lost some because i moved to another country, i lost some because we lost all our common grounds, and am losing some right now because of who i am now..

to all my friends reading this post, even though i feel like i have my truest friends around me now, i feel so lonely and over the past two years i have come to love this "loner status".i like to sit in my house, office, or car for hours, days alone, it gives me a great deal of satisfaction. we all know our strenghts, mine is the way i think or strategize, i feel like if that gets taken away i will be in lots of trouble. i like to come out of hiding and engage with other people. As much as i cherished the company around me but i feel more alive when i have my alone time. in the business we run, i accomplished more during the nights than during the day because during the day you get several customers and phone calls and lots of people coming in and out of the office. so what is friendship really and how does is go with my loner status?

At this point my thing about friendship is that as much as it is great i can never fully understand it with my way of living. so i treat them as they come but will always stay loyal to all my truest friends "you can always count on me"