We have read so many books/novels, watched lots of movies/TV shows, listened to the best love ballads/songs and in our daily lives gone through a unique experience when it comes to relationships. When I blog about relationships, please disregard all the various types and categories and realized am talking about couples dating in a relationship. Now for those within my community with all the wedding ceremonies we have attended this summer, D.C Maryland, Boston, Houston, Dallas it makes you wonder how these people arrive at this stage and then I begin to compare my current situation, hence the blog. It is such a cliché, we all know relationships start happily and should end with everlasting happiness but most of them end with sadness. Let me freestyle my thoughts base on my previous relationships.
When I meet a girl, within the first 5 seconds I can determine if she is relationship material or a fling and I think girls do the same. if I conclude she is relationship material then the trouble begins; my ego has never let me prevail in the courting stage, because I feel like if am into a girl she is lucky, and if she is not into me then what is the point trying to convince her otherwise, you end up burning so much just to get your heart broken plus her getting with me is a win-win for both parties. Now you can also recognize that she is probably into you but she needs assurance either way my ideal girl will be the one that really gets the feeling or spark as we meet and roll with it. You’re either into me or not! No hassle mama!
When a relationship begins everything is wonderful, fun and exciting. My thing here is how can I capture this moment and make it last all through the other stages. If I were to meet a relationship expert all I will ever want to know is “how can I make this beginning last till the end and nothing changes?" you all know how this stage is; everything is just so perfect. Unfortunately true love does not really begin at this stage, hence the theory; one must fall out of love to be in love. Simply means you must go through a test to discover if you were really in love with each other or not. That leads us to the trouble period...
To me this is where the relationships actually begin, because reality sets in. You begin to see each other differences and distance yourselves from each other little by little. You know I got to confess in my childish years all my relationships ended here, because I could not understand how she has a different view than I have, it will always lead to us trying to superimpose our ideology on each other and gradually developed some form of hatred and frustration of the next person. Usually you will start hearing her say "I need some space", "I cannot argue right now am going to bed",then finally let's take a break" at this point you realized it is over.It's no wonder why almost 95% of all break ups/divorce occur at this stage. So to all the girls that I have ended a relationship at this stage you got to admit we never actually had a relationship, sorry but we just got excited and that was it, we were never in love. Let me add that at this stage one partner is always still in a romance stage while the other has already move on so it usually hurts, they say "life's a prison when you are in love alone” It is necessary to reclaim yourself as a whole person otherwise you die inside or end up hating your partner.
After the hassle real love begins a relationship that survives the trouble period will likely end up in marriage or something very positive and constructive. I say when you look at those ex couples who are still genuine friends, not the ones that hook up from time to time for occasional sex; the ones who genuinely break up and respect each other afterwards then you can conclude they survived the trouble era. The next stage is more of stability and constructive planning for the future. I felt really trapped here, it is like now you know your differences with your partner, and you guys seem to have agreed to disagree. Now you can relax nobody wants to think about the future it is kind of undecided, I am certain this will be the first time most couples start going to counseling. You know the relationship gets really boring at this stage, you have just gone through a power struggle and everybody is tired, although you have settled to accept each other but there's just a cloud of gloom in the air. See the thing here is you know each other's history, relationships are hard, but if you are to break up with your partner this is the perfect stage; because you either decide to have a mutual respect for each other point of view after the horrible ordeal of arguments and break ups you experienced in the latter stage or you realize you cannot put up with each other and chicken out lol! DECISIONS DECISIONS!! What we gonna have? DESERT or DISASTER?
The next phase is my best after the first stage. This is where our fore fathers cautioned it is best to decide to get marry or not. I believe you both come to an awareness of who you really are, plus you have a clear understanding of who your partner is, now tell me why it wouldn't be easy to make clear choices? It’s like you know you do not need each other but you have chosen to be with each other. From here those who have decided to stay together begin to create a fortress. Here you build a family and set out to conquer the world. These are the power couples and that saying that "behind every successful man is a strong woman" comes into fulfillment here. In this stage you both more than understand each other, you more than love each other, and though I have never experience this I will think at this stage you just complete each other. if my research leads me down the right part this will be the stage where I will like to recreate the beginning again.
When I meet a girl, within the first 5 seconds I can determine if she is relationship material or a fling and I think girls do the same. if I conclude she is relationship material then the trouble begins; my ego has never let me prevail in the courting stage, because I feel like if am into a girl she is lucky, and if she is not into me then what is the point trying to convince her otherwise, you end up burning so much just to get your heart broken plus her getting with me is a win-win for both parties. Now you can also recognize that she is probably into you but she needs assurance either way my ideal girl will be the one that really gets the feeling or spark as we meet and roll with it. You’re either into me or not! No hassle mama!When a relationship begins everything is wonderful, fun and exciting. My thing here is how can I capture this moment and make it last all through the other stages. If I were to meet a relationship expert all I will ever want to know is “how can I make this beginning last till the end and nothing changes?" you all know how this stage is; everything is just so perfect. Unfortunately true love does not really begin at this stage, hence the theory; one must fall out of love to be in love. Simply means you must go through a test to discover if you were really in love with each other or not. That leads us to the trouble period...
To me this is where the relationships actually begin, because reality sets in. You begin to see each other differences and distance yourselves from each other little by little. You know I got to confess in my childish years all my relationships ended here, because I could not understand how she has a different view than I have, it will always lead to us trying to superimpose our ideology on each other and gradually developed some form of hatred and frustration of the next person. Usually you will start hearing her say "I need some space", "I cannot argue right now am going to bed",then finally let's take a break" at this point you realized it is over.It's no wonder why almost 95% of all break ups/divorce occur at this stage. So to all the girls that I have ended a relationship at this stage you got to admit we never actually had a relationship, sorry but we just got excited and that was it, we were never in love. Let me add that at this stage one partner is always still in a romance stage while the other has already move on so it usually hurts, they say "life's a prison when you are in love alone” It is necessary to reclaim yourself as a whole person otherwise you die inside or end up hating your partner.
After the hassle real love begins a relationship that survives the trouble period will likely end up in marriage or something very positive and constructive. I say when you look at those ex couples who are still genuine friends, not the ones that hook up from time to time for occasional sex; the ones who genuinely break up and respect each other afterwards then you can conclude they survived the trouble era. The next stage is more of stability and constructive planning for the future. I felt really trapped here, it is like now you know your differences with your partner, and you guys seem to have agreed to disagree. Now you can relax nobody wants to think about the future it is kind of undecided, I am certain this will be the first time most couples start going to counseling. You know the relationship gets really boring at this stage, you have just gone through a power struggle and everybody is tired, although you have settled to accept each other but there's just a cloud of gloom in the air. See the thing here is you know each other's history, relationships are hard, but if you are to break up with your partner this is the perfect stage; because you either decide to have a mutual respect for each other point of view after the horrible ordeal of arguments and break ups you experienced in the latter stage or you realize you cannot put up with each other and chicken out lol! DECISIONS DECISIONS!! What we gonna have? DESERT or DISASTER?
The next phase is my best after the first stage. This is where our fore fathers cautioned it is best to decide to get marry or not. I believe you both come to an awareness of who you really are, plus you have a clear understanding of who your partner is, now tell me why it wouldn't be easy to make clear choices? It’s like you know you do not need each other but you have chosen to be with each other. From here those who have decided to stay together begin to create a fortress. Here you build a family and set out to conquer the world. These are the power couples and that saying that "behind every successful man is a strong woman" comes into fulfillment here. In this stage you both more than understand each other, you more than love each other, and though I have never experience this I will think at this stage you just complete each other. if my research leads me down the right part this will be the stage where I will like to recreate the beginning again. I got three sisters and they all have three different views about relationships as manifested in their current relationships, sometimes I feel like am blessed to understand them but I must confess I have never taken my time to develope a real relationship, but believe me when I say I have been learning a lot growing up with them and my friends. while writing this blog I had a brief interruption from my boi Mike (shout to JP Fleur-Dallas), while having a late dinner he shed some lights on how he looks at relationships, I must say everyone out there due to your circumstances or experience have a unique perspective on this please do not hesitate to share with me and thank you so much for reading thus far. this has been my longest post.
BOOK RECOMMENDATION
THE COUPLE'S JOURNEY: Intimacy as a Path to WholenessBy Susan Campbell, Ph.D.
