first and foremost am not gonna blog about what friendship is and all its levels and forms, am just gonna freestyle my thoughts.
on a personal note i think my relationships with all of my friends has been shaped by the way i was brought up, at times some people claim your astrological sign plays a part. well i can't get into that but there are so many similarities in these zodiac signs with ones character. In my childhood, i was surrounded mostly by my immediate family and at most 5-6 people around the house at all times. I was shy but did not make a lot of friends and even when i was in school i was pretty invisible. I can honestly say i came out of my shells in college a little bit and to me that is where i started making some of my "truest friends" till date. Even still i always had such a limited number of friends that were close because that is how i make myself comfortable. i guess it is a given fact that you can meet a lot of people and even know a lot of people but only a minute few are your friends. at this stage in my life I feel like I know too many people and have the fewest friends ever. it is so weird when i think about it; when i was least popular i had the most friends now that am more popular than before i have the fewest friends!
the idea that you meet people smile at them and ask them about something personal in their life is more like a social thing to me. it doesn't mean we are friends. we talk about each other behinds our backs ( yea trust me you can claim people talk about you but you do the same thing nobody is innocent here!), we gossip, we make up...etc. all these things are semblance to every society we might associate with. when i think of friendship fights and drama, i think of a jay-z song with r Kelly where he raps and i quote
"We don't vibe no more because we don't C/see alike
Now when we see each other it's so strange
I don't know whether to hug him or slug him (damn)
I don't know whether to cap him or dap him
I don't know what to think of him, I don't know what's happenin"
as much as we want to cherish our relationships there comes a time where you begin to think, what will happen if i had a fallout with this person? this friend? I want to think i might not know what to expect from that, but at this stage in my life my comfort level tells me i will manage even if things goes sour. now in a relationships where i really depend on that friends' input and support i will dread such happenings. My thought exactly now is, when there is nothing at stake does that relationship stay true or real? i have lost friends because i moved to another town, i lost some because i moved to another country, i lost some because we lost all our common grounds, and am losing some right now because of who i am now..
to all my friends reading this post, even though i feel like i have my truest friends around me now, i feel so lonely and over the past two years i have come to love this "loner status".i like to sit in my house, office, or car for hours, days alone, it gives me a great deal of satisfaction. we all know our strenghts, mine is the way i think or strategize, i feel like if that gets taken away i will be in lots of trouble. i like to come out of hiding and engage with other people. As much as i cherished the company around me but i feel more alive when i have my alone time. in the business we run, i accomplished more during the nights than during the day because during the day you get several customers and phone calls and lots of people coming in and out of the office. so what is friendship really and how does is go with my loner status?
At this point my thing about friendship is that as much as it is great i can never fully understand it with my way of living. so i treat them as they come but will always stay loyal to all my truest friends "you can always count on me"
