Saturday, July 4, 2009


I have been wondering how the pursuit of happiness is intertwined with love. i want to think that you can never be completely happy if your not in love with someone or with something in your life. this post is really about dissecting how i can manage love and happiness at the same time. as much as there are so many factors that make us happy, in my opinion being in love is the number one source of happiness. i ask myself why so many times; why am i feeling lonely with all the love surrounding me? , why am i not happy? why is falling in love so difficult? why why why why?

I believe i will achieve happiness when i have attained half of my personal goals in life. i will be finally happy when I become a nuclear engineer, i will be happy when am the sole owner of my first business, i will be happy when i can help all my siblings. one thing i have noticed is that with all these happiness goals none of them has to do with being in love with a girl, woman or wife. breaking up lately with my girlfriend has been one of my biggest reality between being happy and being in love. i can honestly say i think i only realised how much i loved her after we break up. now there are so many other reasons but all the while i was pursuing my happiness goals and did not think that was a problem. now i wonder if i will be 15 happy after achieving all these goals if i am not in love with someone. at this point i do not think that will be possible and if your reading this blog the idea is scaring the hell out of me! the idea of becoming an engineer, owning my own business without someone to love is frightening me. the worst part is i do not know if i can love anymore until i reach these goals. oh am so confuse!

some of my very close friends claim i am afraid of commitment, if that is true then am in deep trouble. i have seeked advice especially from girls because only a woman can simultate that feeling. Everyday i want to move forward but the guilt of mistreating my ex crowds my mind and takes me into deeper state of unhappiness. i wish i could re-invent myself and start all over but thatz not the case. they say ' everything happens for a reason' i want to think that the most i have learned about this experience is that I MUST LOOK FOR A WAY TO SYNCHRONISED MY PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS WITH WHILE PURSUING SOMEONE I WILL LOVE FOREVER. that to me is the only way i will truly be happy.

before i close out i also want to say i believe in something they called KARMA, we all have our demons but sometimes certain things or experience makes you wonder why me, then you think of that instance where you put somebody else through the same situation. its really sad but i hope to heal from this experience. it hurts!

thanks for reading


Anonymous said...

Being successful and adchieving goals are great. But what reason, for who and why have you choose these goals. Love is the foundation for life. You can't be happy unless you have and it's just not in a romantic sense. You get it from God and yourself first, then your family and friends. As long as you have that foundation everything else will work. But don't be closed for love (romantically) at the same time. I've seen alot of people push good love away and regret it. Just know your priorities. And work on one at a time.

Tonge said...

People have acheived all that they had aspired and are still not happy about the life that they are living. It is wonderful thing to envisage what you want to be in this temporary life, that is only the intro.

Love is wonderful experience and i believe that it doesnot come by chance. I personally dont believe in love at first sight, since its a gradual process that we DECIDE to persue. Being in love is more or of a personal decisions, which involves a complete removal of your self and a complete in corporations of that person wyou want to be in love with. As the word itself indicts in about the other persons' wanst, needs and desire.

People have accomplished all their dreams and are in love but are still persuing happiness. This now leads to the aspects of you identifying your purposes on earth. Sometimes we persue those ambitions which peobably a mirage and the real thing we have not had time to explore, to look into our hearts, to reconcile with our creator, who alone is ableto give us the wisdom we need discern what REALLY make us happy.

I wish you the best as you persue your ultimate goals...

BrownEyesBlue said...

Thanks for the comment! I like your blogs too & can definitely relate on all of them. And if it was a recent break-up, keep hope. I assure you, that confusion slowly melts into a deeper appreciation of love and people as long as you don't allow it to make you bitter.

lionel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lionel said...

Love is that pain you can’t seem to get reed of. Love is when you feel like air is trapped in your stomach and you can’t breathe out. Love is when you can’t seem to see anything wrong with whoever swept you off your feet. See! I believe in cupid, you know! the grown baby with a cross bow. For whoever is out there looking for love, I want to tell them to stop. Love finds you and not the other way around. You could know a friend for 50 years and never thought of them as a possible mate, but when love finds you your eyes open and you begin to see things in a different way. You do not get to choose a partner. Love chooses for you. And love is not a process, love happens. You don't have the will power to choose to love someone or not. Being in love doesn’t necessarily bring you happiness, for me that was a night mare. (Love can change anybody from being scared of commitment to being ok with committing to someone you love and care about. Trust me on this) I got use to it. Love hurts but it even hurts more running away from love. And that’s when you know you are in trouble. Happiness comes from within. Love can only boost the level of happiness. Time heals all wounds. Its suicide to be with somebody who loves you so much but you don’t feel the same. It might be dreadful but sometime doing the right thing can feel so wrong….

The sound track is really getting me. My computer is soaking up…lol.

assidine said...

Well! Mr. Aben,
I will be glad to make that dish for you.
I won't be long. What hapiness mean for you?
I can see that you have some good intensions and also some good projects you plan to accomplish in your life. Here the thing,if you don't have somebody in your life, i guaranted you won't be able to experience happiness.The future fate of love come from a torrent of noise, and it flows into the past to wash all the dirt of the existence;Love is like a vertigo, a sacrifice, and the last word in everything. So no matter what you will accomplish in your life, love will always have the last word. You cannot be happy with Love.Both happiness and love go together. They are stick as the faces of a coins.

peace said...

love is kind.
love is peace.
love is beautiful
love is a wonderful thing that God created.
we all need love then we will be happy with all we achieve cos we have that one special person to share it is precious and uncontrolable.Aben go for it if you find one.but don't forget love is also patience.wish u all the best life can offer

Anonymous said...

As a young adult with a blooming career i have found out that i have good friends, family that loves me even though we don't socialize often. I have everything i want, even my mother in my house at this point. Yet a part of me is missing and that part is being in love and loving someone who loves me back, has the same goals; a partner in "crime" as they say. Yes, personal goals are important and yes i am successful at this point and working towards higher goals. This is what family expects and rejoices in but your own "personal person" or "significant other" to share these successes with makes it all different. It makes it worthwhile and serves as an adrenaline rush to keep us going.

Being in love is a stage that needs to be recreated or re invented from time to time. But truly loving someone takes a decision to accept the other person for who they are and in the process always lift them up spiritually, emotionally, financially and more.

Also love and happiness after achieving personal goals comes from finding purpose outside one's own life. Selfless acts of devoting oneself to repair humanity's broken hope and giving all suffering generations a vision for the future.

I am a hopeless romantic not only in relationships but in life in general and love is the only high (not weed, cocaine etc..)that keeps us alive.

AfriDiva said...

This comment is almost a year late but anyway..
I am an amateur when it comes to this love thing but i know that the old saying "having success without someone to share it with" rings true. I know professionals who have achieved everything they could possible want out of this life but are still out there dating and trying to meet people. I, myself, have a "fear of committing" but i am starting to believe that this fear comes from a place of underlying issues we need to resolve with ourselves...I was thinking about my next blog topic and this just inspired me. So thank you.

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