Saturday, July 4, 2009
HAPPINESS AND LOVE???
I have been wondering how the pursuit of happiness is intertwined with love. i want to think that you can never be completely happy if your not in love with someone or with something in your life. this post is really about dissecting how i can manage love and happiness at the same time. as much as there are so many factors that make us happy, in my opinion being in love is the number one source of happiness. i ask myself why so many times; why am i feeling lonely with all the love surrounding me? , why am i not happy? why is falling in love so difficult? why why why why?
I believe i will achieve happiness when i have attained half of my personal goals in life. i will be finally happy when I become a nuclear engineer, i will be happy when am the sole owner of my first business, i will be happy when i can help all my siblings. one thing i have noticed is that with all these happiness goals none of them has to do with being in love with a girl, woman or wife. breaking up lately with my girlfriend has been one of my biggest reality between being happy and being in love. i can honestly say i think i only realised how much i loved her after we break up. now there are so many other reasons but all the while i was pursuing my happiness goals and did not think that was a problem. now i wonder if i will be 15 happy after achieving all these goals if i am not in love with someone. at this point i do not think that will be possible and if your reading this blog the idea is scaring the hell out of me! the idea of becoming an engineer, owning my own business without someone to love is frightening me. the worst part is i do not know if i can love anymore until i reach these goals. oh am so confuse!
some of my very close friends claim i am afraid of commitment, if that is true then am in deep trouble. i have seeked advice especially from girls because only a woman can simultate that feeling. Everyday i want to move forward but the guilt of mistreating my ex crowds my mind and takes me into deeper state of unhappiness. i wish i could re-invent myself and start all over but thatz not the case. they say ' everything happens for a reason' i want to think that the most i have learned about this experience is that I MUST LOOK FOR A WAY TO SYNCHRONISED MY PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS WITH WHILE PURSUING SOMEONE I WILL LOVE FOREVER. that to me is the only way i will truly be happy.
before i close out i also want to say i believe in something they called KARMA, we all have our demons but sometimes certain things or experience makes you wonder why me, then you think of that instance where you put somebody else through the same situation. its really sad but i hope to heal from this experience. it hurts!
thanks for reading
Posted by Aben